The End and The Beginning

2024 in Review

2024 plays over my mind, in a montage of intense political consequence, war and the desperation for positive change, only to be swatted by cruel and unfeeling governments, already taking the leap into the black ichor that is inhumane practice.

Watching from afar, my thoughts are with the Americans who are about to lose their rights in mass.

My thoughts are with Ukraine, and the war that rages on, and the fear of a right wing America and what their actions will mean for the citizens of Russian-invaded, bombarded, Ukraine.

My thoughts are with Palestine, and the devastation they continue to face, and the debates we insist on, arguing about the right of a country to exist. What will Project 2025 mean for them?

And in my home, in my state of Queensland, I mourn the people I thought we were.

I mourn the progress we fight for, only to be extinguished by Cristafulli and his “Adult Time, Adult Crime” agenda, which I am certain will result in a replay of tactics used during the stolen generation. An agenda which sees 10 year olds get life in prison.

An agenda that ignores that a human brain does not finish developing until age 25, an agenda that ignores the mass killings of women by abusive spouses who continue to exercise freedoms.

We are pushing our fear of crime onto a generation forced into poor behavior by a system that does not see them and does not care for them, a system that is ruining lives left and right.

I would be lying if I said 2024 was a good year.

And every year seems to just get worse.

Every year seems to tip us further towards the coals, as we cling and scream for our basic human rights to be acknowledged.

With so much distress plaguing the world, its hard to consider what was good about any of it.

I, am only one person, and right now all I can do is focus on what I can control and what I can’t.

Reflection is something that helps me find clarity, so with that, this is my 2024 in review.

Health and Wellbeing

My personal year, has been difficult, I won’t say it was the worst year, but sitting here typing this on New Years Eve has made me realise how tough it really has been.

Moving was positively agonizing.

From January until late April I was unable to do just about anything, I could barely walk because my ankles were destroyed after weeks of climbing multiple flights of stairs and carrying heavy boxes back and forth.

The joys of being disabled.

I spent a significant portion of the year investigating my chronic bowel and stomach issues, got poisoned by an MRI, and was told after 2 years of investigations, a colonoscopy, countless dietician appointments, and dietary adjustments that I should “see a dietician” and “make lifestyle changes”, all by a person who didn’t bother to look at my record and frankly had no concept of what my lifestyle looked like.

Going into the New Year, I am being referred to a different hospital to be treated by a privately recommended department. Fingers crossed they treat me with kindness.

After refusing to go back to the hospital that was treating me, I tried to just focus on my life and career.

Then I managed to get the flu for 2 weeks, with a week of sorta getting better, to another week sick with the flu, to a week of feeling better, to getting strep throat, and then seeing a doctor and begging for help, getting antibiotics, taking the course, the strep cleared, then it came back on Christmas Eve so I went back on anti-biotics.

I’ll be going into the New Year still completing the course of anti-biotics, and fearing the strep throat coming back yet again.

If I could just not be sick for the first 2 months of the New Year that would be a blessing!

Needless to say, I have been through the health issues works this year.

Things have not been much better for my mental health either, but at the least I can say that every fortnight I go to therapy, and every day I try to work on myself.

Even if working on myself just looks like me putting on deodorant in a depressive spiral.

Art and Career

Despite the difficulties I faced physically this year, I feel like I have made some major strides in the building of my career.

For roughly 4 years I have been trying to set up an online store.

That may seem long, and it has certainly felt long, but when I consider my financial situation and my daily struggles with my health and mental wellbeing, I think I have made quite excellent time.

In 2020, I decided my art was at a level that I could start trying to get work through it, commissions, contracts, and hopefully make prints.

In 2021, I completed my first professional commission, redesigning the blackboard specials menu at a local cafe, and making personalized art for the space itself.

In 2022, I took the leap and purchased my fine art printer, and started learning about editing software. I continued to complete commissions and build my portfolio.

In 2023, I attempted my first prints and blew all my printer ink and expensive papers trying to perfect the output, this restarted my grapple with editing software and I spent more time learning what I was doing wrong.

Finally, in 2024, I participated in Incognito Art in the hopes of exposure, with very little luck in that regard, but a profound sense of accomplishment in having dedicated time to the pieces and sending them out. All three of them were purchased, adding to my feelings of capability.

I also applied for a queer art event, and although I was not accepted for exhibiting, I attended and met so many wonderful artists and people. Connections that landed me my first ever market stall opportunity.

With the fire of a possible sales day, I bought everything I would need and set myself to making prints. And for the first time, the prints came out beautifully!

Unfortunately, the market itself didn’t go as well as I’d hoped, but it was a fundraiser for a fellow queer human in need and I’m glad I could participate. I also managed to meet even more wonderful artists at the market.

Artists who suggested I should apply for their artist collective, and to my surprise after my submission, I was short listed. Our first meet up is in February and I am so hopeful that it goes well, because I would love to be a part of such an inclusive and creative group of people.

I did attempt another market, one that ended in tears with negative funds for me due to very poor and ableist management. Despite my tears and frustration, this just sucked, and it has shown me that markets are a space and situation very out of my control. I think I will focus more on online sales, but I certainly haven’t given up on markets.

This is massive progress from the slow roots I have taken years to grow, I am beginning to see the sapling that will become a strong and bountiful tree if I nourish it.

Once I have moved and my studio is set up at the new place, I will be launching my online store with prints available for many of the pieces I have put in my gallery.

If there’s one thing I am excited for in 2025, its the launch of my online store.

So stay tuned for that lovelies.

A photo of my first ever market stall.

Hopes and Goals

I am not one for “New Years Resolutions”, while I understand seeing the start of the new year as an opportunity to start on the right foot, I don’t think it should be the only motivation.

I have given myself a break over the Christmas period, trying to relax and be mindful and present.

And now that New Years Eve is upon us, I am feeling a sense of relief that I can put this idleness behind me and start back up again. Something about the end of the year feels like a thick fog that can only be lifted once the first day of the new year begins.

Once I wake up tomorrow, I know I will be filled with the burning desire to tidy up my room, and get back to the paintings I put on hold 2 weeks ago.

What I most certainly will not be doing, is vowing to wake up every morning at 4am and take a vow of vegetarianism.

So often I see people fill their new years resolutions with unrealistic goals, and promises that are sure to make the new year miserable.

I used to do this when I was younger, its a phase we all go through, but I learnt the more new years I passed, that the best goals are the general ones.

My goals for the new year are to continue working on myself, my health, and my worth as a human. To work hard, establish my online store, and promote my art career. To be good to those I love, and forgiving and resilient with those who hurt or attempt to subdue me.

I want to continue building my life and my love of that life, and my celebration of it all.

2024 is a prequel to what I believe will be a very intimidating 2025.

The only way to step into it, is with strength and determination.

An uber driver was explaining how he and his family celebrate the end of year, and he told me “We believe that if you and your family are alive, fed, sheltered, you have to thank god. You have to thank God for your life and your blessings.”

I don’t really believe in the God I think he was referencing, but I do believe in the power of life and the universe, and what he said resonated with me still.

I have to be thankful, despite my ill health, housing issues, and any difficulties I may have, I am alive. My loved ones are alive, and we live in a peaceful country, with access to food and medical care and education.

Its hard not to be grateful for such core blessings, especially when you follow the news of Palestine, Ukraine, and all those in the world who are not as lucky, or as privileged as I.

But pain is also relative, its incredible the torture your own mind and body can put you through.

And even in a privileged country like Australia, the hardships and cruelty are all still relevant.

If the only accomplishment you can think of for this year is surviving, that is honorable.

The important thing to keep in mind going into 2025, is that no horror lasts forever, no feeling is permanent. Every day brings a new opportunity for greatness or despair.

It is a daily gamble, but a worthy one.

Every day there is a chance I might die in some freak situation.

Yet, every day is a chance my best friend will make me laugh, that my housemate will show me a video that brings me joy.

Every day is a chance to see a butterfly, or rain, or a bug I haven’t seen before.

Every day is a chance to make something beautiful.

That is what we must remember going into 2025.

The beauty of life.

Happy New Year.